Are Reza and MJ headed for a big break-up?

by Jana Waring
December 16, 2012

Oye. Where to begin? Last Sunday’s cliffhanger left us with GG attacking Asa at a pool party for teasing her most recent boy toy, Omid, at a previous dinner party. GG’s aggressive behavior comes as no surprise to the group as they are used to her losing her cool and bowing up at someone, anyone, that even may look at her funny. The problem is everyone is sick of it. So episode three begins with the boys sitting around Omid’s house reinacting the fight at the party, while Asa and Reza walk around Runyon Canyon discussing the same scene.

More than writing off GG as a bitch and promising not to hang with her anymore, everyone seems to be upset with MJ who at the last second seemed to side with the 30-year-old scrapper.

Lilly from Texas arrives at a photo shoot for her string swimsuit line. The on site photographer asks the entrepreneur to step in front of the camera to test the lights and set-up, to which Lilly pretends to shy away. “I hate testing,” she says, batting her over-sized lashes. “I’m not a model.” Before even finishing her statement, the debutant was posing in front of the camera like Honey Boo-Boo during a beauty contest, carefully popping into a new pose every second. Upon seeing the results, she says, “I’m sooo cute.” Clearly, instead of “model” she meant to say “modest, I’m not modest. Not even one bit.”

Reza and Asa drop by the shoot for two things. First for first comic relief. Reza gets it. He’s like a cartoon reality TV character, and always brings the best interviews. ”Those aren’t just stripper suits,” Reza says, describing Lilly suits for us at home. “Those are ‘Gettin’ My Rent’ bathing suits. Those are ‘Finding My Sugar Daddy’ bathing suits. Those are ‘My Man Left Me and I’m Gonna F–k Him Up’ bathing suits. Those are bathing suits on a mission.”

Secondly, Lilly wants to invite MJ to dinner, along with Reza and Asa, because she has sensed MJ’s apprehension about her joining the Shahs group. Doing as he’s told, Reza gives his bestie a call and invites her to dinner the lion’s den, knowing this could end in disaster. MJ reluctantly accepts the offer, even though she’s weary of why Lilly wants to hang out.

Asa, as the Persian Pop Priestess puts it, needs to get her “uber hustle” on. Apparently making fun of people’s noses and investing in the “Persian Nose Business” hasn’t earned her any cash thus far. And even though she continues to live lavishly among other $30,000 millionaires, the truth is she’s broke (poor thing, even her workout tights have holes in them).

However, Asa has a idea. She wants to turn “Diamond Water,” her own creation that consists of purified water, crushed diamonds and her love energy, into a business. Because she’s delusional, she actually meets with a guy from Unix Bottling Company to pitch her idea. “I want to turn “Diamond Water” into the most exquisite diamond water in the world,” she says beaming.

The Unix guy, like myself, seems confused. The most exquisite? Does it even exist at all? She has no dream boards, no business plan, no demonstration and consequently, clearly no idea how to do business. “Ha. That’s crazy,” the guy says, chuckling. Really he’s thinking, “Ha. You’re crazy.” And that’s because she is crazy.

Moments later when the guy is explaining to her (impressively with a straight face) that she’ll need $50,000-100,00o just to even think about start-up, she slides down into her chair like a child that has been told “No ice cream before bed.” While sulking in her seat, she responds, sadly. “Wow, that’s a lot.” And begins packing up her… well, she just leaves.

Meanwhile, GG’s father has asked her to come over to meet him at her sister’s house. Leila, who must be eight months pregnant, is enraged at her little sister for not doing her part for their new hair business and has asked her dad to play the mediator. When he confronts GG about not finishing her assigned tasks, she defends herself honorably. “Read my contract? I did that!”

Bless her raging, dumb heart. She actually thought reading her contract was the work. I wanted to write her letter.

Dearest GG,
While it may have seemed like work, reading your contract in not the actual work. Perhaps you should get a job at McDonald’s like your sister suggested. Just take baby steps. No need to rush into this “work” thing… you’re only 30-years-old! You have the rest of your life ahead of you.

Are you ****ing kidding me?

But then GG called her very pregnant sister a bitch and told her she wanted to cut her face with a knife, so I refrained from writing any note at all. That bitch be crazy.

Lilly, Asa and Reza are waiting for MJ to arrive for dinner. Since there’s time to kill they start to gossip. Asa talks about how her and Lilly are “polar opposites” but still admits to liking her as a friend. Only because GG has brought it to my attention many times, I wonder if Asa is referring to how she looks like a man/transvestite and Lilly looks like a woman, or a Barbie, because she’s plastic… whatever. Reza tells a different dirty secret about having sex with MJ one day, after showering together. Sure, he had already come out and announced he was gay. But even still, accidently rubbing up against her thigh in a “friendly” shower one night made his privates dick hard (his words, not mine). And so they had sex. I mean, what else was he meant to do?

When MJ arrives to the restaurant she doesn’t mess around with pleasantries. She dives right into her concerns about Lilly, in front of Lilly. She’s appalled by at a picture she found while cyber stalking her website and Twitter pages. “There was a picture of you topless, with your dog in between your breasts. That’s like, pet endangerment or something,” MJ says seriously and with concern. “I love that picture. It’s framed in my house,” Lilly replies hastily.

My first inclination was to ask MJ if she was sure it was a dog and not just her ridiculously long weave resting on her chest. But then I remembered Lilly’s dog Coconut was white, and with a mane of black hair, that little, white puff ball would stick out… or would it? I suppose the little dog could get lost and suffocate entangled in all that weave? Or even become squashed in between those watermelons? So after some contemplation, I decide MJ may have a point. Although, I wish she’d use logical arguments instead of acting like a teenager. Besides seeming like a jealous girlfriend, she’s encouraged Lilly to be a model modest again. “When people don’t like me for no reason at all it kind of turns me on,” the Persian Princess of Texas begins. “It makes me realize how f–king fabulous I am.” And this is the second time in two episodes Lilly has made this statement–oh, the irony.

The real blow up happens at Reza and MJ’s office. It appears Reza has been building some resentment towards his pal MJ ever since GG sent him a mean email. Since MJ has recently taken sides with GG he feels hurt and neglected. Instead of talking about the situation like grown adults, he invites Mike up to th office to interview with his boss, teases MJ about losing her office and then tells her the best one-liner I’ve heard in a long while, “You’re aligning yourself with a piece of shit and you’re starting to stink.”

MJ tries to retaliate by bringing up Reza’s recent weight gain and telling him that he’ll die lonely and grey. Reza becomes so angry and starts huffing and puffing so much that I swear his mustache grows before my very eyes. Finally he shouts back, “I love you but I don’t like you.” Mike interrupts at the most impropriate time. Of course, he’s already sided with Reza but he plays to be neutral until MJ leaves. But not before telling her, “Free the baggage in your life” (which when implied to MJ could mean so many things, but in this case he’s talking about ridding her self of GG’s friendship).

And now we’re left wondering what’s going to happen next. Can Reza and MJ make up? Is siding with GG worth all this tormenting? Will Lilly ever stop complimenting her self?

Tune into Bravo next week, Sunday, December 23 at 10pm EST (7pmPCT) to see what happens next.